What Direction Now? Life at the intersection…

Yeah, he’s here, haha…

Y

I remember when this was the most daunting writing task I faced each day…

That’s because it’s only been literally, like, two weeks since that job fell through. Who wouldn’t remember?

Please limit your random “like” use and while you’re at it, don’t misuse “literally” like that. “People who misuse literally drive me figuratively insane”!

Heh, that was pretty good. Did you come up with that?

No, I saw it on a t-shirt once. Didn’t you see the quotation marks up there?

No. Wait, so, we’re really doing this? Just killing off the reader’s assumption that this is an actual conversation? We’re acknowledging that this is just words on a screen? That seems kind of lame, lazy even—

It is what it is.

Ugh, really? You would say something like that? 

Any who—

It’s just…ew…

Any way, I was going to say that these cover letters are sapping my spirit, having to write about myself in such fake glowing terms over and over again. I feel like a glow stick, no, I feel like a herd of glow sticks. I feel like a rave.

You’ve never been to a rave.

I know. That’s the point. Even the metaphor is false.

I think it’s a simile. Or possibly an analogy. Maybe both, but it’s definitely not a metaphor.

Come on.

Sorry…you were saying.

Nothing. I was saying nothing, and that’s the point. I don’t want to complain because I know so many other people, so many other people I know personally, so many other RPCVs even, have gone through this. I thought I had found a way past this part of readjustment, past the job search drudgery. Was it too much to expect that everything would work out like it was supposed to?

Yes. Yes, it was. Nothing ever goes according to plan.

Did you read that on a t-shirt?

No. That would be one boring-ass t-shirt…unless it had a panda on it or something…a plan-da—

Boo!!!

—or something. I’m sure I stole it from somewhere, though.

Then, you should have put it in quotes.

Even if I’m not quote sure where it came from.

Yes, even then. This is the internet after all. No one knows where anything came from anymore. Just visit any random quotation site and then go out and actively try to find out where Dr. Seuss actually said, wrote or thought this line: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

That’s a damn good line. I’m going to have to use that later. 

It’s a good one, for sure. But if you try to search out its real origin using Google or any other Internet search tool, you’re just going to get more and more quotations sites with the same sourceless attribution.

Why are you having such a hard time making my sentences start with capital letters? You’ve had to backspace and correct that mistake in every single line now.

Well, I think it has something to do with having to hit “Ctrl+I” to italicize and then hit it again to capitalize the first word. My pinky doesn’t do much in general, so it gets stage-fright when it has to do two things in a row. Like if I had to type a word with a lot of q’s in it or one that was alternatingly capitalized—say, if I suddenly turned into an excitable teenage girl—my pinky would freak out and something that was supposed to look like AwEsOmEsAuCe would turn into aWEsOMEohshitIcan’tbelieveI’mdoingthiswithmytimerightnow…

<Stop reading for a few seconds so that there can be some awkward silence, please………………………………………………………………………..and thank you…>

How can someone “inactively” try to do something?

What?

You wrote above that I should “actively try” to do something? How can trying be anything but active? And w

Why do you delight in torturing me?

Heh, Dickens…I’m not torturing you, by the way. I’m just trying to get your mind off of what you were bitching about above. 

Good work, then. Thanks for that!

You’re welcome.
I started a joke, which started the whole world crying, but I didn’t see that the joke was on me…
@c

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2 comments

  • rave reviews ensue…

    although i’ve never been to a rave either, so i’m not sure that counts, then.

    i have seen some pretty good work done with glow sticks, though…

By AC
What Direction Now? Life at the intersection…

About Andrew.

Andrew Cartwright grew up in Indianapolis, IN, but has lived over the years in such places as Denver, CO; Fairfax, VA; and Rivne, Ukraine. He is a former nonfiction editor for both Indiana Review and phoebe; he has also worked for the intersectional feminist journal, So To Speak, and the national literary magazine, Electric Literature. His work has appeared in The Normal School Online, Copper Nickel, Esquire Ukraine, Literary Hub, and Word Riot.

For more information about me and links to other writing, visit my author page at cartwriter.com

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